A little festive blog. ( 3 yrs post op)
Hello again!
How are you all? I have just deleted a really long and boring blog that I had written for you! It told you how things were 3 years on!! 3 years!! Yes I know!! I can't believe it. It's gone so fast... and I'm still trying to get down the stairs without tracing the wall!! haha
What I really want to say is ... I am so impressed by the attitude of those of you that get in touch. It's a pretty rubbish blow to get an AN, but recently you guys are just oozing with motivation and positivity. I haven't actually had anyone contact me who's not been full of determination, it's easy to see through the nerves and anxiety :) SO I THINK YOU ALL DESERVE A MASSIVE PAT ON THE BACK!!!!! We ALL do! :) friends, relatives and AN hosts!!!
This year has been an interesting one. I could round up all my symptoms 3 years on, but really I am most blighted by my balance issues, my pain and the general feelings I have about me. I use drugs now for the pain and headaches and they are working really well so that's a plus ! (Except when I forget them!!)
My balance is a really boring problem... I'm so used now to just adjusting for being wonky. I went on a train recently and it really threw me off and I waddled down the station very wonky when I got off. It doesn't stop me.. it just means I have a stiff neck the next day and I"m really tired.
Managing my tiredness is the biggest issue really. I have learnt to manage activity with rest. Mostly through self discovery (a term learnt from a teacher I knew recently!) and guiding by some good friends! I have learnt by doing things that aggravate that I can manage the tiredness to a degree by balancing one activity off another. If I go to the gym I don't go on a work day, If I go out one evening then the next day I need to do less. Cause and effect!! Listening to my body really works!
The feelings I have about me are a tougher one... I don't want to go into it all, there'll be snot and tears everywhere! No I'm joking...it's not sadness it's frustration! Frustration that I'm not what I used to be, that I need help, that socialising is so hard, that I have to go at a slower speed and that I can't do everything the others do so simply. Im finding that the way to deal with it is to ACCEPT!! Start with me... If I accept the way I am and understand that then SO WHAT...It makes me unique... !! Only then I can accept that others might not see it as a hinderance, more as just the state of play!! If they can just deal with it... so can I!
So here I am... those three years later... doing the same job, but different, seeing the same friends, but adjustedly, and managing the same things if slightly adapted. It is possible to make this tumour fit into my life and not the other way around!! Im glad the acute part is over and I'm going forward without him... technically!! haha